Indiana Jones and The Fucking what?????

Ok Ok Ok... i love Indiana Jones... i was brought up on Indiana Jones! He was the shit! Raiders of the lost ark came along and my dad had Dubbed me a copy from the TV and when i a weee lad.... i thrived on it.. i watched it till the VHS was soo stretched its was almost unwatchable... Temple of Doom was also on high rotation.. inbetween Short Circuit and Star Wars... ok ok... i sound like a dork... whatver i loved those big budget sci fi / adventure flicks when i was a kid.

The Last Crusade SHOULD have been just that! Sean Connery was convincing he played a great version of Henry Jones. Great story great charcter devlopment (for an Indian Jones Flick!) and more to the point.. some Plausibility... if you work your imagination hard enough.

SPOILER ALERT..... wait... fuck it... I'm doing you a favour... dont waste your cash, seriously!


In the first 10 minutes Harrison Fords pulling out the "it was 10 years ago!" lines trying to give some kind of continuity... then BAM... Area 51! come on...

Obviously (Obviously!) the russians want to find this artifact that Indiana had studied back in the day... so of course... the case it was held in was HIGHLY magnitised... so much so that if you throw Gun Powder in the air... the metallic substance will be drawn through the air to indicate where it is... Hmmm... makes me want to magnatise my mobile phone.. so i can find the fucking thing when i have left it on "silent".

Oh whats next? oh yeah Indiana finds himself running through a town... In the Middle of the Nevada Desert after escaping the Russians, although all the towns folk are made of plastic.., yes thats right a Nuclear Test Zone... we hear sirens... and theres a count down.... and then blinding lights and melting plastic faces, and shots of polyester shirts being fused to fake limbs... BUT... dont worry... Indiana's Safe, he's hiding inside a refrigerater! The whole town is converted to splinters... but here's indiana...Flying through the atmosphere... thrown hundreds of metres, and he just gets up and walks away...

Folks this is just the first 10 - 15 minutes.

To cut a long story short... there's a motorcycle chase through a library, posessed islanders protecting a grave where an Aliens head was hidden, Russian Dancing around a camp fire, Indiana Discovers he has a Son, quick sand, "Snakes, Snakes, I hate Snakes", Man eating ants, A sword fight fought between two people standing on the back of jeeps hurtling through the middle of a jungle, The discovery of a Sacred Alien Museum,A triple Crossing agent, Flying Saucers, AND a wedding.

Fuck you George Lucas.... you should be ashamed! And Fuck you Speilberg... where you even on the set to direct this? the dialogue man... oh the dialogue.

To say i was dissapointed was an understatement.

Fuck you.