Biology makes no sense

As a kid I wondered why all the things that taste delicious, are things you're not meant to eat. And things that are so unappetising, we're supposed to eat all the time

As an adult, instead of making more sense, it just gets worse

I'm the kind of person that likes to try and fix things myself first, or at least attempt to find out what the problem is before I pay someone else, who is just as competent (or incompetent), to find a sock or a bra wire lodged in the stupid void space that I can't get to without brand specific instruments.
Fisher and Paykel, you bastards.

I'm too old for this

I thought pimples were for teenagers, but turns out they never stop. These days pimples are competing with wrinkles for space on my unhappy face.

Meatheads take over the world

I hate footy players. Usually dumb grunting guys that like random violence and pissing on people in clubs, but for some reason are adored by most of the country. Because they can throw a ball around they stand to make more money before they are 25 than I will ever make in my life. Yes I am bitter. Down with football!

Don't make me call you...

I don't need my eyes checked do I? It says 3 - 5 days.



Pardon me for being impatient, but we've already been waiting forever for the iphone to be released in Australia. You let me pre register, you let me pre order the day before it went on sale, you happily took the cash from my account and now it's been more than a week. Where's my phone??

I bet it gets delivered like this:

Why?

Why when it rains... does everybody forget how to drive? The road is still exactly the same as when you drove on it when it was dry! There aren't gonna be any magical sink holes appear in any of those 1cm deep puddles.

Occupational Health and Safety...

...can go fuck itself.

This is why China will be #1. Cunce just dont give a shit.



And you wont let me ride my skateboard to the photocopier.

Your pussy isnt magic....

Is this some kind of feminist rant... someone decipher this shit for me
sorry girls... but you all bite from time to time!
BKS.

No really...I'm sorting my magic potions by ingredient.

It's bad enough having you breathing your stinky breath leaning over my shoulder... do you realise that today your vocab has consisted of:

"What are you doing?"

"What...what's that?"

"What...what are you doing? What are you doing?"

"What are you doing?"

"What's that your doing?"

"What are you doing?"

"What's that"

"What's that your doing?"



Clearly - it's a spreadsheet.

I imagine you looked something like this

When you sat behind me on the train and ate McDonalds with your mouth wide open.

I wish humans could hibernate

This weather sucks. That dormouse has it sorted.

Pleased to meet you?

When you were interviewed, why did you tell the manager that you knew me when we have clearly never met?



Won't it be funny when we meet for the first time in front of the boss. Funny for me, probably embarrassing for you.

I think it's rubbish

what you say and do. It's kind of funny sometimes.



I said, kind of and sometimes.